Can I maintain intimacy with my partner as I age? Will I still want to? How can I have great sex during and after menopause? Will menopause affect my libido and intimate health? You may have asked yourself these questions too. Luckily, there are experts today who help us navigate the challenges of maintaining a healthy sex life. One such expert is Susanne Wendel, a sexologist, sex coach, and author. Exclusively for Sveta, Susanne shares her extensive knowledge and experience to help improve and enrich intimate relationships.
Sexuality and Health: A New Perspective on Relationships with Susanne Wendel
Susanne Wendel is a renowned best-selling author, speaker, and expert in health, relationships, and sexuality. As an experienced sexologist, author (of “Gesundgevögelt”), and couples coach, she has inspired thousands of people to improve their love lives and relationships. She has held more than 750 lectures and workshops. Now, she shares her insights with Sveta on healthy sex, sexuality, and the art of maintaining high-quality intimate relationships.
What Does Sex Therapy Look Like in Practice?
Fortunately, we live in a time where there are many types of sexual education – workshops, counseling, coaching, books, and online courses. Compared to previous decades, we now have much more to help us foster good relationships and fulfilling sex lives. Yet, for many, sex therapy remains a taboo subject. I’d love to see us break down these prejudices and realize that focusing on relationships is just as important as focusing on our mental health. You can do a lot preventively. Unfortunately, many couples only seek therapy when it’s too late.
My first question to Susanne was: Is sex therapy comparable to psychotherapy? And what does it look like in practice?
Her answer intrigued me: “Well, in sex therapy, your love life is the patient. Just as in mental health, there are different approaches for different problems, there are also various methods in the realm of sexuality to help people resolve their issues. Classic sex therapy was developed in the 1950s by William Masters and Virginia Johnson. It involves touching and caressing exercises. Partners learn to physically (re)approach each other slowly. Initially, orgasm is off the table. The therapy includes specific exercises conducted within a set timeframe and sequence. The genital areas are excluded at first; only the head, back, arms, and legs are massaged. Over several days, couples gradually approach the ‘hot zones.’ This method is similar to behavioral therapy.”
Susanne adds that today, various forms of sex therapy also integrate physical attributes, behavioral aspects, communication, relationship dynamics, and systemic elements. She emphasizes the importance of sexual medicine, which addresses the physical causes of sexual dysfunctions such as obesity, metabolic disorders, or medication use.
The Secret to Great Sex in Long-Term Relationships? Surprise Your Partner and Yourself
Many people are skeptical when they hear about sex therapy. They find it difficult to talk about this shame-laden part of their lives. Usually, one partner feels more pressure to change things in the love life, while the other prefers to avoid the topic. Susanne shows how to approach it with ease and offers couples practical tips:
“One of the first things I recommend to clients is to change their surroundings. Book a sex weekend in a hotel or rent a room at an hourly hotel for an afternoon. One of my tools is surprise: surprise the other person, surprise yourself. Reignite curiosity. It can start with something as simple as tidying the bedroom, putting on fresh sheets, buying new shower gel, and inviting your partner to a sensual date night.”
How "Power Couples" Achieve a Balanced Relationship and Healthy Sex
In her book Heute komme ich zuerst (“Today I Come First”), Susanne Wendel encourages living a life without compromise. She explains that such a life requires constant readiness for change and active self-development. It’s about knowing what you want and working consistently to achieve it. She emphasizes that this doesn’t mean being selfish but rather engaging in a partnership where both people help each other grow. “It means developing together while staying true to your own goals,” she says.
In the book, Susanne describes "power couples"—relationships between two people striving for self-realization. She shares her experience from a workshop she attended with her husband, which helped them make significant progress in both their personal and professional lives. Susanne highlights that a healthy relationship and healthy sex can only exist when both partners' desires are met. “It’s important for both partners to express their needs clearly and work together to fulfill them,” she explains. Through open communication and mutual support, "power couples" can achieve a balanced relationship and fulfilling sex life.
A Real-Life Example: How Sex Therapy Enriches Partner Relationships
Susanne shared an inspiring story from her practice.
"A couple who had only experienced ‘vanilla sex’ for nearly 30 years, I recommended they attend a fetish party. Neither had done anything like it before, but they were curious. So I sent them shopping and gave them a link to the party. I knew it would work because both were curious about ‘dressing up.’ Now, they go out almost every weekend and have custom outfits made.”
At Susanne’s practice, couples often experience aha moments because they see their relationship from a new perspective. It's less about problems and more about potential. “Most people are only living out about 10% of their sexual potential,” she says.
What Is “Sex Worth Wanting”?
Susanne says it’s common for one partner to have more desire or specific needs, while the other is content with how things are. There’s often a “desire gap.” The key is to make the partner with the weaker desire curious and motivate them to try something new. The more active partner must also become curious and understand that sex can work differently than they imagine. Ultimately, both need to discover something new that they both enjoy. In professional terms, this is called “Sex Worth Wanting”—sex that’s worth desiring.
The Best Remedy for Menopause? Exciting New Experiences
Coping with the changes menopause brings is not easy. It alters our bodies, our sexual desires, and our mood. That’s why I immediately asked Susanne: How can women create a fulfilling love life during menopause? How can they maintain their sensuality?
“Menopause for many women is marked by physical and mental challenges, often accompanied by a decline in desire. I always advise consciously countering this and making sexuality a more intentional part of life. No more compromises—stand by what you want and dare to experience new things. This could mean attending women’s retreats, tantra workshops, or exploring BDSM or Slow Sex, depending on your curiosity. There are many options, whether in a relationship or single. I work with many women 40+ and encourage them to give sexuality more space in their lives. One of my clients discovered that she loves being dominant, which she had never suspected. She then attended femdom workshops, read books on female dominance, and bought matching outfits and boots. Her husband is thrilled.”
Good and healthy sex after 45? How can natural remedies help?
Susanne explains why it’s important to boost self-confidence during menopause and why women should now, more than ever, learn to "live life to the fullest." One of the most taboo topics for almost all women in menopause is physical changes in the intimate area. The mucous membrane in the vaginal area becomes thinner and drier. It's essential to get well-informed because there’s a lot that can be done—pain during intercourse doesn’t have to be endured. In this context, Susanne mentions Sveta LOVE Oil, which she has been using in her practice for years, something I am very proud of:
"It’s not just dryness. Like everything else in the body, the mucous membrane ages and changes. Here, I recommend that every woman thoroughly inform herself. Pain during intercourse is just one of the many effects when the body changes during menopause. I’m a big fan of Love Oil because it feels amazing, smells great, and also has a stimulating effect. I don’t know any other lubricant that works in the same way. I use it regularly myself and recommend it to my clients, all of whom are very satisfied."
What you can do to prevent stress from affecting healthy sex
Due to the modern, stressful lifestyle, many people find it hard to relax or reach climax. I asked Susanne how one can reduce stress and open up to pleasure, even when there’s a lot going on around them. She gave very practical advice:
"It’s not just the climax that’s sometimes missing due to stress, but also the desire. Many don’t even think about starting sex when stressed because there’s too much on their mind. CBD drops work because they act quickly and have a wonderfully relaxing effect. It applies to both many men and women that they find it hard to switch off in the evenings. I also recommend a glass of wine or something else that helps stop the whirlwind of thoughts. One of my favorite recommendations is showering or bathing together—it’s a wonderful start to an erotic night of love."
Over 45 and looking for a reliable partner?
It’s important to stay curious and continue exploring your sexuality, even if you’ve been alone for a while. Be active and confident. Here’s how:
Women should stop placing unrealistic expectations on men. This doesn’t mean you have to make a lot of compromises, but you should be aware of what’s truly important to you. Choose your partner based on these criteria—your values and lifestyle. That’s how you’ll find someone who suits you. Many women still look for men based on appearances or because the sex is good. They have the illusion that this will automatically lead to a good relationship. Professional coaching can help here because everyone has blind spots in certain areas. I’ve experienced this myself. For years, I chose the wrong men. In my late 30s, in a state of panic about time running out, I finally found the right one with the help of a proper coach. It was someone I hadn’t even considered before. Today, we’re married, have two children, and run three businesses.
Finally, I’d like to highlight one of Susanne’s encouraging and particularly inspiring messages: sex at an older age may not be as wild, but the desire for it doesn’t go away. Sex is also a wonderful, gentle endurance workout and very good for the cardiovascular system.
Natural support for healthy sex
In this spirit: Don’t give up your sensuality or your good sex life—no matter how old you are! Susanne Wendel’s amazing books, workshops, and lectures are available to you. And if you need natural support for healthy sex, try Sveta LOVE Oil. Your intimate area deserves it.
Danka Belošević
Content & Copy Writer
office@abba.expert
www.abba.expert
